Magic Schmidt
by FrankieQuinn13
Summary: Things don't work out between them so Maya and Schmidt break up. One year later Maya invites him to her bachelorette party and he finally discovers why things didn't work out. Slash or yaoi Mike/Schmidt cause someone had to finally do this crossover


**A/N: For some unknown and clearly ridiculous reason this pairing hasn't been attempted yet and so I, FrankieQuinn13, have taken it upon myself to rectify this heinous transgression by writing the Jumpstreet/Magic Mike cross-over that absolutely no one has asked for, for some reason.**

 **Seriously I was super disappointed when I searched for this pairing and found absolutely nothing on fan fiction dot net or any other fiction archive I searched through.**

 **For shame internet… For shame.**

 **You disappoint me.**

 **Seriously though this had to be done.**

 **Apologies spelling grammar and OOCness O.K so I know Mike's apartment doesn't have an elevator but let's just pretend like it does for the sake of the story.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Jumpstreet or Magic Mike franchises in anyway whatsoever, if I did, Schmidt and Mike would've hooked up a very long time ago.**

There were a lot of things that Jenko expected to find once he got back to the apartment he shared with his partner after going home to see his parents for the long weekend.

He expected the whole apartment to be spotless, just waiting for Jenko to come home and wreck all of Schmidt's hard work.

He expected to see his partner laid out on the couch in his ripped up p.j's, watching Ellen with a box of Cheerios by his side.

He might even have expected to find Schmidt with a girl, talking about some deep philosophical shit just because Schmidt really wanted to try and impress her.

What he didn't expect to find was his best friend forced up against the kitchen counter while some shirtless dude felt him up and shoved his tongue right down Schmidt's throat.

"What the fuck?"

Jenko gasped in the doorway, but apparently he wasn't very loud seeing as how the two making out on the other side of the kitchen didn't even blink at him.

Schmidt's hands were on the guy's shoulders, seeming to hold on for dear life when the guy broke the kiss to start nipping and sucking at his partner's neck. Drawing out a sharp gasp and a groan when he started grinding his hips down to slowly hump the shorter man.

"Fuck... Mike~"

"Yeah, baby?"

"C'mon... Stop-stop teasing." Schmidt whined as his hand tangled in the guy, apparently Mike's, hair and Jenko could see the taller man smirk as his hands went down to start fiddling with Schmidt's belt buck-

Oh Hell No!

"SCHMIDT!"

The two in the kitchen suddenly jumped apart at the shout and Schmidt flushed when he saw his partner standing in the door way.

"Uh, Jenko-... Greg... I-" Schmidt stuttered out as he tried to fix his clothes and pull himself together while the guy grabbed his shirt off the table and quickly tugged it on.

Wait did he just zip up his pants?

"You're back... Early-uhm."

Jenko's left eye started to twitch as he let his bag hit the floor with a loud thud. The guy cleared his throat and at least had the decency to look sheepish as he raked a hand through his hair.

"Who the fuck is this?"

Schmidt flushed a little more as he swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to look as calm as possible, "This is a friend. We met in uh when I went to, you know that trip I took with Maya to Florida. So yeah, he's a friend, I made in Florida."

"Oh, shit. Yeah." The guy said as he moved forward and held out his hand, "Mike Lane. You're Jenko, right?"

Greg didn't say anything just stared at the hand for a moment before looking up at Schmidt with a glare and Mike gave an awkward cough as he pulled back.

"Ohkay, I should probably... Yeah." Mike said giving Schmidt a hurried glance as he awkwardly slipped passed Jenko. But instead of heading straight for the front door like Greg expected, the guy turned and went straight to Schmidt's room instead, closing the door behind him.

When Jenko looked back at his partner Schmidt was going, "fuck, fuck, fuck" over and over again under his breath as he continued to tug at his clothes even though the damage had already been done.

"Schmidt." Jenko's voice cracked a little as he stared at his friend in completely and total utter shock, but neither of them really seemed to notice.

"What the fuck?"

Schmidt took a deep breath and finally looked up at his best friend as he spoke.

"I can explain."

~FLASHBACK~

"I do not want to be here."

"Too bad, cause if I have to be here then so do you."

Schmidt gave Maya a withering glare before he looked back up at the building in front of them and groaned.

"I don't wanna be here. I don't wanna be here. I don't wanna be here."

Schmidt repeated over and over again as he stared up at the neon sign on the side of the building while Maya just grinned at him.

Xquisite strip club.

No, no, no, no.

He does not want to be there.

But he seriously has no choice.

They broke up about two years ago, when they realized that they weren't right for each other. Or rather after Maya realized that they weren't right for each other. Schmidt was still totally on board with having Maya as his girlfriend, despite his captain's numerous threats of death and grievous bodily harm. She's super-hot, smart, funny and totally into him. Schmidt would have to be an idiot to ever want to break up with her.

But apparently the feeling wasn't mutual.

They lasted for about four months before the girl decided that they should call it quits. Not that she didn't like Schmidt because she did; the problem is that he was missing something apparently.

Maya said that he was an oblivious idiot and until he figured out what's been staring him in the face that whole entire time then she wasn't willing to try and force the relationship any further.

Schmidt was heartbroken of course, but somehow he actually managed to get over their break up fairly quickly. He and Maya even started hanging out as friends no more than two weeks after the break up itself.

Things were just like they were before, you know, except for the fact that this time he wasn't getting laid but he had Jenko there with him through all of it so it wasn't so bad.

He moved on.

One year later Maya started dating some guy named David and another year after that they got engaged. Schmidt was happy for them, after all he wasn't really expecting to get back together with Maya anyway but apparently even his acceptance of her engagement wasn't enough for her.

Maya said that he's missing something but she wouldn't tell him exactly what that is. Instead all his ex-girlfriend seemed to do was roll her eyes at him or groan loudly in frustration.

The chief even had him come into his office for a little one on one, since his daughters mood swings over him were getting on his "last damn nerve."

Schmidt tried to tell the chief that he had no idea what Maya was going on about but the man just called him a "stupid-ass motherfucker" rolling his eyes in a way that was eerily similar to his daughter before threatening to shoot Schmidt if he didn't get his shit together.

It was totally confusing.

He asked Jenko for advice on what he should do but apparently his partner was just as stumped as he was. So Schmidt decided to just try and let it go, focus on work and not worry about why Maya was suddenly losing her mind when the wedding invitations came in along with another invitation.

It was a black card tied up in a red bow, with a plane ticket inside and details on a hotel reservation for some town in Florida.

It was an invitation to Maya's bachelorette party.

Schmidt had paled two whole shades when he got the invite all while his best friend laughed his ass off over a bowl of Frosted Flakes. Schmidt was beyond embarrassed, I mean sure he and Maya are friends now and they're cool but seriously? A bachelorette party? There was no way he was going to that, unfortunately Schmidt had no choice. If Maya's threat of grievous bodily harm didn't convince him to go then the chief's more descriptive threat of shooting him in the ass with a shot gun definitely did the trick.

All the girls on campus and he just had to date that one, didn't he?

So Schmidt went, packed a bag and got on a plane all the way to Florida with Maya and all of her friends including a girl named Nancy. She was Maya's maid of honor and she seemed cool enough although she and the other girls wouldn't stop staring at him for some reason. Of course Maya tried to convince him that everything would go fine and that he was overreacting. She said that they wouldn't be doing much really. She just wanted a couple of nights to unwind and wanted to do it somewhere where she was sure her father wouldn't suddenly come bursting through the door and since Schmidt would be going along with her then there was no way her dad would show up since he was tasked to look out for her. Despite the fact that Maya was basically throwing him underneath the bus he wasn't mad since he could honestly sympathize with the girl's concerns.

So he put on a smile and tried to make the best of it.

The first two days were fine, they went to restaurants, hit the local spas and went dancing to a couple of clubs. It wasn't too bad. A few people asked if he was gay once or twice but Schmidt quickly set them straight. Just cause he's hanging out with a bunch of girls, none of which he's dating and or sleeping with on a bachelorette retreat does not mean he's gay. It means that he's a very, very good friend and Maya owes him big time.

But still none of it was too bad until Nancy suddenly announced that they were going out to one more club on their last night in town.

And now he's here, in front of club Xquisite.

A male strip club.

"Maya, please don't make me go in there. Please don't make me go in there, I really don't want to go in there." Schmidt said over and over again and Maya rolled her eyes at him just before Nancy showed up on his left and grabbed onto his arm as well and the girls started pulling him to the entrance.

"Oh c'mon Schmidtty, don't be such a buzz kill." The girl said as she tilted her head to look down at Schmidt from her freakish amazon height with her heels only making the situation worse while her long blonde curls fell over jade green eyes, "This'll be a blast you'll see and hey maybe you might see something you like."

"I'm going to pretend like you didn't just say that." Nancy gave an exasperated sigh but didn't stop walking as Maya looked up at Schmidt with a slight whine reaching her voice.

"C'mon Morty, do it for me. It can be my wedding gift." The girl said looking up hopefully and Schmidt let out a sigh of defeat. "I think your father would tase me in the nuts again if I showed up without an actual gift... Fine let's just get this over with."

Nancy squealed and Maya laughed while the rest of the girls giggled behind them as they followed the crowd of women inside.

Inside it actually looked pretty tame. There was a bar to one side of the room and one long stage at the front surrounded by scattered tables and chairs all filling up with women while a few of the tables up front were left untouched for some reason. Schmidt frowned for a moment when Nancy suddenly leaned down to whisper against his ear. " Do I have the hook up or what?"

Schmidt gaped, " No way."

Maya started bouncing beside him and the other girls behind them started cheering as they all headed towards their seats and Schmidt paled when Nancy and Maya forced him into the seat between them right in front of the stage. "I hate you. I hate you both so much."

"Oh relax Schmidt. This'll be fun." Nancy said as she took a drink offered to her by one of the shirtless waiters walking around the room when another came up to put a tiara on Maya's head and a sash over her head and the girl grinned up at Schmidt to hand him one of the drinks she was given. "Thank you."

"Just look at it this way, now you can be sure."

Schmidt frowned, "Sure about what?"

"About whether or not you swing for the other side." One of the other girls said bluntly as she walked by to sit down behind them and Schmidt's head almost snapped back to stare at the girl with wide eyes before looking back at Maya and Nancy to find both of them looking away discreetly to the side.

"So that's why you brought me here? You're trying to turn me gay?!"

"What, no of course not!" Maya protested adamantly as she took a sip from what Schmidt now realized was a Cosmo. "We just thought it would be fun for all of us to get out and try new things."

"By _us_ she means _you_ and by _new things_ she means, _men_." Nancy said matter of a factly as she leaned back and crossed one leg over the other as she set her drink down in front of Schmidt and called a waiter for a new one while the man just gaped at her and Maya hissed. "Nanc'!"

The blonde gave an exasperated sigh, "Oh just give it up already Maya, Schmidtty here is as dense as a tree stump. It's obvious that if you don't bitch slap some sense into him then he'll never learn. Why do you think I suggested this place in the first place?"

Maya rolled her eyes and Schmidt shut his own and started rubbing his temples like his head was starting to hurt, "Wait a minute, what?"

"You Morton Schmidt are gay." Nancy said finally and Maya interjected just as the man opened to screech indignantly. "No not gay, bi maybe-"

"What the fuck is going on here?!" Schmidt said and Maya sighed all over again, "Look there's no point in bitch slapping anything into you, you have to figure it out yourself." The girl paused sending a pointed glare to her friend and Schmidt opened his mouth only for Maya to stop him short all over again. "Schmidt just, sit still and try to enjoy yourself O.K? If nothing changes by the end of this night then I think it's best if we just don't say anything right now, but if something does happen then we can talk about it back at the hotel."

Schmidt took a deep breath, "Exactly what is supposed to happen here? I'm not gay-"

"Well then you have absolutely nothing to worry about." Nancy said simply when a waiter appeared with a drink for her and the man just stared at her like she'd gone insane when the lights suddenly started to dim and light up around the stage and Schmidt's head snapped back towards it.

"Just relax Schmidt, what's the worst that could happen?" Maya said and Schmidt couldn't help but stare at the girl with something close to complete horror, before snatching up the drink in front of him and downing it in one gulp before waving the waiter over for another one.

What could happen? According to Murphy, the answer is everything.

"Alright, alright, alright." A man said appearing from the wall of curtains at the back of the stage wearing a cowboy hat, leather waistcoat and pants and no shirt as he strolled onto the stage and the women all started to cheer.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Maya."

"Schmidt, where the hell are you?! The plane leaves in an hour and you totally disappeared on us last night-"

"Maya-"

"I mean what the hell you can't just bail on me like that-"

"Maya-"

"Do you have any idea how worried I was when I got up this morning and realized that you never came back with us-"

"Maya, just shut up and listen for a minute!" Schmidt snapped when his head started pound painfully and he swallowed back against the dryness in his mouth before letting out a sigh as he rubbed his temples in frustration. "Look I'm, I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap at you I'm just… I'm hung over, I'm in pain and I'm so close to having a complete mental break down its fucking insane."

"Break down-wait wait Schmidt what happened, where are you right now? I can pack your bag, we'll come pick you up and head over to the airport." Maya said sounding less angry and more concerned at the panic she could hear quickly rising in Schmidt's voice. Schmidt swallowed again silently wishing for a glass of water to magically appear as he looked around the room where he stood. It was a sort of open planned setting with a bed to one corner of the large room and stairs leading downstairs a few feet away. Schmidt walked, well limped over to the large window to look down over the street.

"I'm not sure, I'm in an apartment I think somewhere downtown. I'm not sure where-"

"You're not sure-" Maya cut herself off as she took a deep breath and Schmidt rushed back over to the very ruffled bed he woke up in to grab his pants off the floor and tug them on as quickly as the aches throbbing all over his body would allow all while he kept the phone against his ear. "How did you get there in the first place? Oh my God, Schmidt please tell me you didn't black out. Damn it I told Nancy those shots were too much."

"No I didn't black out," Schmidt started as he felt his cheeks start to heat up as he winced when he pulled one pant leg up after the other, "I remember what happened and how I got here, where ever here is."

"O.K well what happened to make you go wherever you are right now?"

Schmidt's blush got even darker and he was silent as he grabbed his shirt on the bedside table. He really doesn't want to have to say it but Maya's a bloodhound, she won't fall for a lie especially not after the undercover college thing. She'll totally smell the bullshit right through the phone.

"Schmidt?"

"I, I spent the night with that guy."

"What guy?"

"The guy you forced me to dance with, remember?" Maya was silent and Schmidt let out a heavy sigh, "I went home with Mike."

"Mike?" another silent pause before a startled gasp, "Magic Mike?! The stripper?!"

The girl screeched and Schmidt almost dropped his phone since the sound made his head throb painfully and he had to start rubbing his temples all over again. "Yes the stripper, now could you please keep it down. My head is killing me enough as it is."

"Sorry I just… you fucked a stripper?"

"Who fucked a stripper?" Schmidt's eyes went wide when he suddenly heard Nancy's voice in the back ground, "Maya don't tell her, please don't-"

"Schmidt went home with Magic Mike last night."

Schmidt groaned in defeat as he let his head hang and waited for the inevitable.

"No way?! Is that him on the phone?" Schmidt could hear the two girls struggling to hold the phone in such a way that they could both talk at the same time and he took a deep breath when the blonde spoke, "I knew you weren't straight! Schmidtty you lucky bastard. Here we were worried that you might have gotten yourself into some trouble when you were really getting in Magic."

Maya laughed and Schmidt stuttered, "I didn't get in- you know what I'm not dignifying that with a response."

"Wait hang on, was it the other way around?" Schmidt's blush got darker and he struggled for a response when Nancy spoke again, "I knew it! Rebecca totally owes me fifty bucks."

"O.K you know what I called because I was freaking out and wanted to make sure you didn't leave without me but you can just leave me here and-"

"Oh c'mon Schmidt we're sorry, knock it off Nanc'." Maya said and Schmidt could hear the blonde wince in pain as Maya continued, "We're not leaving without you, look where is he?"

Schmidt took a deep breath, "I'm not sure but I think I heard someone downstairs."

"Good just ask whoever's down there for the address, text me back and we'll come get you."

Schmidt let out a heavy sigh, "I can't believe I let you talk me into all this."

"Hey we didn't tell you to bed the first hot guy that started humping your leg." Nancy interrupted and Maya gave a hum of agreement. "All we suggested was for you to relax a little and have some fun. Although I guess you probably had more fun than all of us put together." The blonde finished off with a wistful sigh and Schmidt rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, look I have to go have an awkward morning after with some guy I barely know now so I'll text you-"

"Wait a second Schmidt?"

"Maya?"

"I am so sorry but I have to ask; how was it?"

"How was what?"

"How was Magic Mike, Schmidtty?" Nancy explained with a duh tone in her voice and Schmidt's face caught fire at the question, "You really aren't this slow, although if I had Mike to myself for one whole night I guess I'd be a little slow too."

The man's blush got darker at the innuendo, "I hate both of you."

"Oh c'mon Morty you have to tell us every detail-" the girls were cut off by Schmidt ending the call before letting out a deep sigh as he shoved his phone into his pocket and pulled on his shoes, which were thankfully right there beside the bed.

Last night was… it was-

Uh uh, Schmidt isn't going back there again. What happened was, it was a hoax right? I mean he's not gay, not that there's anything wrong with being gay it's just that Schmidt isn't that way. He couldn't be.

He likes girls.

Pretty, smart, funny, awesome girls like Maya or Nancy. He couldn't be into guys, right? He would've noticed sooner if he was, I mean he lives with Greg Jenko for crying out loud if he had a thing for guys, then why not have a thing for that guy. But then again, Mike sort of looks like Jenko, doesn't he? He actually looks a lot like Jenko and he seemed really sweet like Jenko and funny like Jenko too.

So how come his best friend didn't make him react the way that Mike did the night before?

He and Jenko have shared a bed before, shared a shower they even had to pretend to be a couple once on their college assignment but for some reason it just wasn't like that with Greg.

Schmidt looked back down on the bed to make sure he didn't leave anything behind and started blushing all over again when he saw the ruffled sheets.

Fuck it was so hot. After they started making out in the club, Mike got them a cab and didn't keep his hands off of Schmidt till they actually had to get out. He remembers Mike lifting his head to bark out an address in the cab, but Schmidt's alcohol riddled horny as fuck mind was way too preoccupied with getting Mike's tongue back in his mouth to really care about how the hell he'd get back to the hotel in the morning. By the time they actually made it to the bed, they were both totally exhausted and just sort off passed out when they made contact with the beds firm surface.

Schmidt quickly shook his head to rid himself of those memories. There's no time for that right now, the plane leaves in an hour and he still has no idea where the others are supposed to pick him up. Instead he got up and took a deep breath as he walked around the bed and made his way down the stairs.

As he went down the stairs, Schmidt could hear what sounded like plates and the soft beeping of some kind of machine while the smell of coffee slowly drifted up towards him and Schmidt couldn't help but shut his eyes for a moment at the smell.

Once he got to the bottom Schmidt looked around to find the same sort of opened planned area with a living room to one side and a kitchen to another, where he paused to stare at the man standing in the middle of the kitchen.

Mike had his back turned towards him and Schmidt took another deep breath to prepare for the inevitable awkwardness before he cleared his throat, instantly reminding him that he really needs that glass of water.

"Ughm, uh." Schmidt started and Mike quickly spun around to stare at him in surprise. "Good morning."

"Morning." Mike said as he stared back for one agonizingly awkward moment until he looked down at the two cups in his hands, "I made coffee, I went out and got some bagels too if you want some."

"You didn't have to-"

"I wanted to." Mike said with a small smile that had Schmidt's cheeks flushed pink when the taller man gestured towards the kitchen table, "Wanna sit down?"

"Actually I think its better if I go, my plane is leaving in an hour and my friends are gonna come pick me up on the way there, I was just wondering-"

"Where you are exactly?" Mike asked with an arched brow and Schmidt ran a hand over his short hair with a sheepish smile. "Yeah."

"323 Maple drive, downtown." Mike shrugged as he walked over to the table to set the coffee down and Schmidt quickly reached into his pocket to slip out his phone and text Maya.

' _323 Maple drive, downtown and hurry up before I die from embarrassment'_

"Are you sure you don't want anything, I have water and aspirin too." Mike asked just as Maya texted back.

' _Got it, be there in ten'_

"Yeah, aspirin actually sound really good right now."

"Sit down." Mike smiled just as he dropped into one of the four seats on the table and Schmidt walked over and sat down on the opposite side as carefully as he could without causing himself any more pain or bringing too much attention to himself, unfortunately when Schmidt looked up Mike was staring at him so he knew there was no point in pretending like he didn't feel like his ass wasn't killing him right at that moment.

"Are you O.K?"

"Me, yeah I'm fine." Schmidt said as he grabbed the bottle of aspirin on the table to shake out two of the little white pills and toss them back before taking the glass of water on the table and drinking the whole thing down with a heavy sigh of relief and opened his eyes to find Mike still staring. Schmidt quickly took the cup of coffee placed in front of him to find some way of distracting himself.

"Schmidt," Oh good, at least they both remember each other's names, no need for any awkward introductions then

At least one thing is going his way.

"Do you remember what happened last night?"

Schmidt nodded his head while his face flushed with heat and he took a sip of coffee to buy a little time. "Yeah I remember."

"Everything?"

"Yeah everything."

One shade darker. Schmidt refused to look up at the other man since he knew that he was slowly turning red. But then the silence dragged on too long and Schmidt really couldn't help it he had to do it. When he did he instantly regretted it.

Mike was staring at him with a wide grin on his face and Schmidt sighed.

"What?"

"Nothing." Mike said quickly as he grabbed his own coffee cup and hid his smile by taking a sip and Schmidt wished that he could crawl into a hole and die.

He really could remember _everything_. For some reason the copious amounts of alcohol he consumed the night before weren't enough to dampen any of those memories, but for some reason he forgot the address to where he was.

It's all Maya's fault.

The night was going fine, well about as fine as a night in a male strip club could go for Schmidt. One stripper after another went on stage, dancing and grinding for the audience of unbelievably horny women that didn't seem to know how to keep their hands to themselves. Schmidt just tried to blend into the back ground as best as he could considering the fact that he was sitting in the first freakin' row.

Thank you Nancy!

The strippers that caught sight of him all stared curiously at him, seemingly surprised at his presence and the fact that he was trying to stay as far away from them as humanly possible. Schmidt wanted to die.

But still it was O.K, until Dallas the manager of Xquisite suddenly announced the presence of a future bride in the audience and the club's policy for future brides to get a special dance from the clubs best performer, Magic Mike. But then Maya did something that would continue to shock Schmidt until the end of his days when she announced, in front of hundreds of unknown women that she'd rather give the privilege of a special Mike dance to a very special friend of hers before pointing to Schmidt. The spotlight fell on him and Dallas just stared at him like he'd just noticed that Schmidt was there before giving an amused smirk as he asked the audience how they felt about that and Schmidt felt like he'd been thrown out to wolves when the women all suddenly started to cheer.

He hates them. He hates them so much even all those women in the room who he didn't know and whose faces he didn't even see.

The music started and Mike appeared, the crowd cheered and Schmidt prayed that the ground would just open up and swallow him whole. Unfortunately the floor didn't open up and swallow him whole.

Nope, Magic Mike danced and he danced well. Schmidt had planned on shutting his eyes and pretending like none of it was happening when he saw Mike's face and he couldn't help but stare. He looked just like his partner and best friend of more than five years, Jenko.

Of course Mike looked a little younger than his partner, but the resemblance wasn't any less striking and it was definitely weird. Not just getting a lap dance in front of more than fifty women by someone that looked like his best friend, but basically being dry humped by another dude and feeling… _uncomfortable_ because of it. Getting a lap dance from a man is exponentially different from getting one from a woman. Schmidt remembers from the first lap dance he got from that one club he went to months ago when he and Jenko were investigating this business tycoon that owned a strip club in the area.

The girl's name was Fantasia she was soft and smelled like too sweet perfume. Her skin sparkled with glitter and her tiny frame easily slipped on and off of Schmidt's lap. Mike was a lot different than Fantasia was. He was harder, more aggressive and smelled like oak, forest and pine. Schmidt noted briefly as the man moved around him that Jenko didn't smell like that and actually Schmidt kind of liked how Mike smelled a little better.

It was hot, uncomfortably hot in fact.

Schmidt's pretty sure he downed two drinks in the time that Mike had straddled his waist and started grinding. The younger man had a black baseball cap on at the time and stared at Schmidt underneath the darkness that the cap provided, which did nothing to calm the older man's nerves since he's sure he's the only one who was seeing that odd look in Mike's eyes as he watched him, until he took the hat off and put it on Schmidt's head before giving a smirk as he turned back to finish his dance on the stage all while the audience roared and cheered around them. The music ended and Schmidt hoped it would be the end of it as he cursed both Nancy and Maya as the two girls sat grinning at him as Dallas announced the next dancer.

Schmidt got up just as the music started again and headed towards the bar on the other side of the room and asked the bartender where the restroom was, the man standing behind it gave him a sympathetic smile as he nodded towards a door just a few feet away and Schmidt gave him a weak smile in return as he headed for the bathroom and took a few minutes to take a deep breath. Just to sort out some confusing thoughts like; why he kind of liked what happened out there?

Ten minutes after burying all of those confusing feelings behind a solid wall of denial, Schmidt used the bathroom washed his hands and headed back out towards the bar and ordered a drink when-

"Make that two."

Schmidt looked up to see Mike sliding into the stool there beside him, this time dressed in a plain pair of jeans, blue t-shirt and jacket, but not looking any less gorgeous than he was before and Schmidt hesitated for a moment before he finally found his voice and remembered the hat on his head.

"Oh, uh… I guess you want this back." Schmidt said as he made to take it off but Mike just waved him off, "Nah its fine. You seemed pretty embarrassed earlier so I figured you might want a little cover."

Schmidt gave a weak chuckle, "You have no idea." Mike looked up at him with a cocked brow and they ended up talking. One drink turned into two and three and four. Schmidt told him how he ended up going to his ex-girlfriend's bachelorette party and how said ex-girlfriend and her friend seemed to have somehow lost their minds somewhere during that entire process which led to Mike giving him a lap dance.

Mike laughed a warm open laugh that had Schmidt blushing for some unbelievable reason and soon he ended up talking about Jenko the way he usually does. But they're partners so why wouldn't Schmidt talk about him. Mike listened all with the same odd expression on his face as earlier. Schmidt even told Mike about the two years before and Maya's weird behavior during that time. Maya said that there was something he wasn't getting but for the life of him Schmidt couldn't figure out what that was.

Mike just gave him a bored look, as he downed his drink. "You really can't be this oblivious Schmidt."

Schmidt was lying on his arms playing with the glass in his hands but paused to look up at the younger man with a frown. "What do you mean?"

Mike gave him a long hard stare before setting his own glass down and slipping off of the stool, Schmidt didn't move but tilted his head up so he could see Mike underneath the cap of his hat when the younger man grabbed his chin to hold him still and pressed a kiss on his lips. Schmidt took a sharp breath as he sat up to immediately pull away, but Mike braced a hand on the backrest of Schmidt's stool and moved his hand so he was gripping the back of his neck to keep him still.

The older man let out a soft whimper of protest until his alcohol riddled mind convinced him that struggling was too much effort and it would be better to just give into it since it felt really good anyway, so he did. Schmidt leaned into the kiss, giving a soft gasp when Mike forced his tongue into his mouth before letting out a moan as he braced his hands against Mike's chest just as the younger man pulled away.

"Woah." Schmidt gasped before he could stop himself and Mike smirked, "That's what I me-ngh." Unfortunately Mike didn't get to finish his sentence since Schmidt suddenly grabbed his jacket and pulled him in for another kiss.

The rest is history, as far as Schmidt is concerned anyway. History that shall never be repeated or spoken of ever again.

The older man reached over the table to grab a bagel when he caught sight of a cupboard door standing slightly ajar near the counter and he frowned for a moment when the memory came back to him.

 _They'd just stumbled into the apartment. Mike tossed his keys onto the kitchen counter before grabbing a hold of Schmidt's waist to push him against it. Schmidt gasped before his hands started working on Mike's pants, fumbling with the belt and buttons on his jeans while the younger man showed an impressive amount of strength by hoisting Schmidt's legs up and hooking them around his waist to start grinding into him hard and slow._

" _Mike_ _"_

"Look about last night." Schmidt blinked back to reality to look up at the younger man who was staring down at his coffee for the moment and Schmidt took a deep breath to try and reign in his thoughts as he spoke, "What about it?"

"I don't usually do that you know," Mike paused for a brief moment and made a random gesture with his hand, "Take home some guy I danced for, I just… you seem like a really cool guy and I guess I got a little carried away."

"Its fine," Schmidt said trying to seem as cool and calm as humanly possible while feeling completely awkward and embarrassed. "I mean I've never really done anything like that… ever." _Hopefully I never will ever again_ , the older man added silently when Mike looked up at him and his mouth opened before he could stop himself, "Not that it wasn't, you know cause I mean it was, sort of... you know-Please don't make me say it."

Mike laughed, "Last night was great. I get it. I was just thinking, maybe next time you're in town we could hang out or something." Schmidt just took a sip of coffee and quickly diverted his gaze.

Hang out huh; actually Schmidt didn't mind that idea too much he actually kind of liked it. It sounds good.

"Yeah, sure. I'm not sure when I'll be back in Florida again but hanging out sounds cool. If you're ever up state you should look me up." Mike smiled a warm bright smile and Schmidt had to look away all over again when his eyes fell on the couch on the other side of the open planning and his head gave a tilt when-

" _Fuck."_

 _From the kitchen to the living room and onto the couch. Mike had switched from being on Schmidt to in him and surprisingly enough Schmidt could honestly have cared less. It all felt too good to care. So he could ignore the ache in his hips and the discomfort in his arms as he braced his elbows on the couch's armrest and let his head rest on them while Mike moved behind him as they rocked back and forth. His knees were starting to hurt a little despite the couches soft cushioning beneath them, but that was all easily ignored in favor of focusing on the teeth and lips on his neck and the hand on his nipples and the other hand on his dick, and Mike fucking him rough and slo-_

 _BEEP BEEP!_

"Schmidt. Schmidt!" Schmidt's head snapped back to find Mike staring at him with a frown and he quickly cleared his throat, "Uh yeah?"

"I think that's your ride." Mike said sliding out from his chair and Schmidt took a deep breath to try and force back the blush burning beneath his skin when Mike spoke again, "Are you sure you're O.K?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." The older man said as he took one more gulp from his coffee before setting it down but he couldn't stop himself from looking back at the couch and blushing one shade darker. Mike caught his gaze and looked over at the couch with a frown when he suddenly remembered the night before and couldn't help but smirk.

"Sure, you're sure?"

"I'm cool really." Schmidt said as he stood from his seat biting back a slight wince of pain as he spoke, "Look thanks for letting me crash here and- you know."

"Yeah I know."

 _BEEP BEEEP!_

"I should go." Schmidt said with a sheepish smile and turned away when Mike followed. "I'll walk you out."

Schmidt really didn't want to drag this out for longer than necessary but he nodded all the same and followed Mike back past the spiraling steps he went down earlier towards the elevator that led from the ground floor directly to the apartment's door.

 _The stairs were the hardest to navigate especially with them curving around and round like that, Schmidt's legs were already feeling a little weak and Mike's mouth in his neck wasn't making things easier. Eventually they ended up on the hardwood floors just five feet away from the bed when Mike suddenly pulled the older man onto his lap and Schmidt gave a sharp gasp when he was seated on the younger man's lap and re-entered all at once._

"So that partner of yours… Jenko." Mike suddenly said interrupting his thoughts and Schmidt looked up to find them standing in front of the elevator and he let out a sigh of relief. "What about him?"

"You said he has a girlfriend right?"

Schmidt shrugged, "Last time I checked."

"So you're not-"

"No," Schmidt said incredulously before taking a deep breath, "Look what happened last night. It's not like that with me and Greg. He's my best friend, my brother. But I could never go there with him."

Mike nodded just as the elevator doors slipped open, "You just seemed kinda hung up over him last night so I thought-"

"You thought wrong." Schmidt cringed when he realized just how defensive that sounded and looked up at the younger man for a brief moment, "I'm sorry. I've never done this-any of this-with a guy before and it's a little overwhelming that I did last night and I actually liked it so much."

Mike gave a nod, "I get it I wasn't trying to upset you I suppose. I wanted to know what kinda competition I'm going up against."

Schmidt frowned as he stepped into the elevator and the younger man followed, "Competition?"

"Uh huh." Mike stepped inside and the doors closed and the elevator started moving, Schmidt's frown got even deeper.

"What are-"

And then it hit him.

 _The elevator doors closed and Mike shoved Schmidt against the wall with his hands above his head, crushing their lips together in a passionate kiss and Schmidt flushed when he realized that it was just like the elevator scene from that book he caught his mom reading once. That thought however only stayed a moment when Mike pressed even closer before he just as suddenly pulled back and Schmidt was left panting against the wall when Mike pulled back to press the emergency break button and the elevator came to an abrupt halt._

" _Mike." Schmidt asked breathing hard when the younger man gave him another kiss as he quickly unbuckled Schmidt's pants before suddenly sinking down to his knees._

" _Mike?"_

"Mike?" Schmidt took a stepped back until his back hit the wall when Mike moved forward and grabbed Schmidt's arm to pull him close and give him a kiss and Schmidt's brain totally malfunctioned. The older man moaned when a tongue suddenly forced its way into his mouth and he ended up wrapping his arms around Mike's neck to pull him close as he kissed back only for Mike to break the kiss seconds later just as the doors opened.

Schmidt was breathing hard when the younger man pulled away with a light blush burning beneath his cheeks while Mike looked more or less the same, out of breath and flushed. "I've got a thing in a few weeks up state. You said I could look you up right?"

Schmidt nodded not trusting himself to speak right away until he cleared his throat, "Yeah, you can come over whenever."

Mike smiled, "I'll see you then."

"Sure." Schmidt said returning the smile before they pulled apart and Mike walked him out into the sidewalk where two cars were waiting. Schmidt and Mike said their goodbyes and the older man got into the first car up front. Coincidentally, Maya and Nancy were sitting in the front seat and neither one of them said a word. The other girls were equally quiet until Mike turned back to walk into the building and the cars drove off.

The silence was unnerving and Schmidt finally gave a sigh as he spoke, "You have until we get to the airport, after that we will never speak of this again."

And suddenly all the girls turned towards him asking one question after another all while Maya beamed at him from the front seat and Nancy laughed.

Sweet Korean Jesus, the headache's back.

~END FLASHBACK~

"So you're like, dating now?"

Both of them were sitting down and Schmidt was doing all he could to avoid eye contact with his best friend and gave a sigh, "Sort of, I don't know I think we're just, fooling around."

He didn't tell Jenko everything of course and his partner seemed more or less oblivious to the fact that Mike looked just like him so he chose not to bring it to his attention.

Jenko had no idea what to say or even what to think, he had no idea that Schmidt might be gay or even just fooling around with a male stripper. Not that that bothered him really it's just that.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?" the hurt was clear in his voice and Schmidt felt terrible when he looked into his best friend's eyes. "I dunno,I guess I didn't expect him to actually call but then he did and I figured it was a onetime thing but then he came again and again."

"And you couldn't tell me about it after any of those times?" Greg asked sounding just a little bit annoyed and Schmidt sighed, "It just happened and I didn't think it would last this long so I just-"

"Snuck him in here when I wasn't around."

"It's not like that."

"Then what's it like?" Schmidt just shook his head, "I like him, O.K? I like him a lot but I wanted to be sure before just telling you about it, because you're my best friend and you mean so much to me. I wanted to be sure first before just dumping the news on you like, _'Oh hey Greg, guess what, I'm gay and in love with a male stripper'_."

Jenko blinked in surprise and Schmidt's eyes went wide when he realized what he said.

"I-"

"You're in love with him?" Schmidt stuttered for a moment when realization dawned in his eyes and he fell back in his seat, "Dude, I think I am."

"Woah."

"Yeah."

Jenko paused for a full moment before he let out a heavy sigh, "Schmidt you're my best friend, my brother if this guy makes you happy then you know I wouldn't try to stop that right?"

"I-I know." Schmidt looked away and Jenko got up from his seat and walked over to the shorter man, "C'mon gimme some love. I'm happy as long as you're happy."

Schmidt looked up and smiled at his partner as he stood as well and gave him a big hug, "Thanks Greg."

"No problem," Jenko said giving one more squeeze before he pulled back. "Just do me one favor. What you two were doing in here, you do in your room seriously we cook in here Schmidt."

Schmidt laughed before letting out a sigh of relief as he pulled back, "Duly noted. I should-"

"Go check on your boyfriend?" Jenko asked and Schmidt blushed as he pushed past his partner, "Ha ha."

Jenko grinned, "You know the chief is gonna love this right?"

"He already knows."

"What?!"

 **The End**

 **A/N: please review**


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